I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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