The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
