Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
