I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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