i think i have two assholes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
