You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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