Me too!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
