Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
