I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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