some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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