Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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