Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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