i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize