I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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