You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
