take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
