wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
