this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
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I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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