i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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