Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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