If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
