My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
