last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My vagina is officially offended.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
