I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
