I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
