Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
