you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I had to cum in my sink.
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