he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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