If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
