Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
