there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
