oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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