he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
