What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
