Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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