My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
