Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
