We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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