I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
