Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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