I could have mohawked her pubes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
