no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
