This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
