I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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