Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
