Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
