My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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