my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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