I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
