Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
