I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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