We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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