What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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