you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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