i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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