Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
