Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
