i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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