I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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