you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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