the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
