I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
