I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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