I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
