you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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