I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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